Oh Sit Down

Archive for the ‘Celebshitty news’ Category

Driving me mad

In Celebshitty news, Miscellaneous on December 18, 2009 at 17:15

“Jesus Christ…..what the fuck do you think you were doing?”

“What do you mean?”

“You fucking cut right across me. Are you aware of the rules of the road at a roundabout?”

“Well, eh, what do you mean?”

“Not only are the lanes entering the roundabout clearly marked, you were in the wrong lane on the roundabout to make the manoeuvre you made.”

“Well, eh, what do you mean?”

“You cut right across in front of me — i should have let you hit me. You’d have been in for it then. Actually would you like me to ring the police?”

“No, you’re grand. Listen, i got a fair in the car, I dont want any trouble.”

“Too late for that. You were driving very carelessly.”

“Okay, I understand now. I didn’t realise.” He walks back to his car.

“Do I not even get a fuckin apology?”

He turns. “Ye what?” And start walking towards me.

“I said do i not even get a fuckin apology?”

“Oh yeah, I’m sorry. Is that okay?”

“Yeah, it’s okay. But i have your plate number and I’m still reporting you.”

Ladies and gentlemen, that was lesson one on how to get an apology out of a fuckin moronic, ignorant taxi driver.

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Harry Potter smokes a spliff

In Celebshitty news on December 9, 2009 at 12:34
mmmmmmmm

tastes so fine

Apparently, a couple of weeks ago, Daniel Radcliffe was “spaced out” after smoking cannabis at a party.

Diirty diirty boy. Leviosa yourself out of that one ‘Arry.

Apparently there are even photographs of him smoking a joint at the party in London. The reports even go so far as to say that he was charming the ladies in his vicinity with tales of his drug gobbling. In a sublime attempt to win over a girl, he allowed her to draw a moustache on his face. It was Movember after all, though i dont think this was what was on his mind as she pushed a crayola along his upper lip.

After a few giggles and possibly a bit of petting, Radcliffe was reported to have announced that:  “I love weed!” Undying love, how sweet.

However, Radcliffe’s Uncle Sam, employed as his watchman, got a bit antsy when he realised that two other people recognised ‘Arry and started taking pics and recordings of him on their mobile phones. Radcliffe was plucked from the Cheech party by the scruff of the neck and frogmarched outta there.

What’s the world coming to? ‘Arry smokin the ‘erb? What will be next? Hermione eating rats in the jungle? Ron admitting he’s gay? Severus Snape to admit he is a disgraced former cleric of the Irish church and has been run out of his village in Mayo by a band of angry parishioners?

The Panel

In Celebshitty news, Economy, Television on November 24, 2009 at 12:38

The Panel is back, thank God. It was a long summer of economical dowdiness and wet weather.

The economy is still dowdy and it’s still wet, but The Panel is back.

New presenter David McWilliams is a strange choice. He’s well-versed in current affairs, but for a comedy show, where’s McWilliam’s comedic attributes?

He spent most of the first show explaining his comments about Miriam O’Callaghan in his new book and apologising, also clarifying the garlic eating minister who visited his abode late one night.

@McWilliams: We don’t care. We just wanna watch the show and laugh at the humourous side of Irish news as told by (and here’s the key) The Panel.

 

And another thing….

@Andrew Maxwell: Keep it up lad. How does someone so weird come out with such seemingly intelligent rants?